


Not Too Late

by SnubbingApollo



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Fix-It, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren Redemption, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 15:08:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6810376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnubbingApollo/pseuds/SnubbingApollo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The bridge scene ends another way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Too Late

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheNameIsREX](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNameIsREX/gifts).



> An early anniversary present for [my fiance!](http://krem-de-le-creme.tumblr.com)

Kylo Ren stands on the bridge, staring at Han Solo. The man looks so much older, worn and ragged at the edges. Kylo tells himself that it's because Han Solo is weak. He doesn't quite manage to believe it.

"Take off that mask," Han Solo yells to him. "You don't need it."

"What do you think you'll see if I do?"

"The face of my _son_."

The words rip through him, stabbing him in a jagged place he'd told himself no longer existed. He obeys mechanically, pulling the mask off and staring at Han Solo with his own eyes for the first time since he was fourteen. He tries not to let it affect him. He fails. His eyes are wet, tears threatening to fall.

"Your son is _gone!_ " he spits out, trying to convince both Han and himself. "He was weak, like his father, so I _destroyed_ him." Rather than growing angry like Kylo expected, Han just shakes his head looking endlessly sad.

"No. That's just what Snoke wants you to think. My son is _alive_ ," Han tells him moving closer. Kylo stares at him. The man is so close now and strangely Kylo is struck by the fact that he is _taller_ than Han Solo now. He remembers, suddenly and unexpectedly, on the rare occasions that Han was home the way the man would pull him close and rest his chin on Kylo's head, holding him safe against his chest. The tears are threatening to fall now.

"It's too late," he says quietly. Han meets his eyes with a determined expression.

"No," he says. "It's not."

"I am being torn apart," Kylo says faintly, his voice cracking. He knows Han Solo is wrong. It _is_ too late. His mother will never forgive him. No one will. And he can't escape Snoke. No matter where he goes the man will follow in his mind, whispering. He can't let what happened at the school happen again. He has no choice. "I want to be free of this pain. I know what I must do but I don't know if I have the strength to do it." He pauses hesitant to ask Han Solo for anything.

"Will you help me?" he asks, voice growing plaintive. Han nods stepping even closer.

"Yes. _Anything_ ," he says. Kylo lets his mask fall from numb fingers. It clangs loudly on the metal surface of the bridge and nearly makes him jump, he's so caught up in this moment. He holds Han Solo's eyes as he unhooks his saber from his belt, holding it out.

He could do it right now. The man is so trusting, it would be _easy_. His hand shakes on his saber but he doesn't raise it against Han Solo. When the man's hand wraps around it, he spins it, pressing it to his own chest.

There is a frozen moment where Han does nothing and Kylo believes that this is it. Han will do it, he must want to no matter what he says about sons and second chances, and Kylo will finally be able to _rest_. But then Han lets out a horrified noise and yanks the saber away, ripping it from Kylo's hands and away from his chest. Kylo makes a choked noise, the tears finally falling down his face.

"Please," he gasps. "I know I can't come home, I _know_ that, but I can't live like this anymore! Please, you said you would help me!"

Han is watching him with a horrified expression and Kylo lets himself fall until he's collapsed to the floor of the bridge. He should have known better. That was the easy way out. After everything he's done he deserves to suffer. He _should_ be in pain like this. He shouldn't have asked Han to end that for him. It was weak and selfish.

"Please, don't leave me here," he chokes out, a sob following the words. The Supreme Leader will know that this happened. He'll be furious and Kylo can't even imagine what his punishment will be. He waits to hear Han Solo's footsteps walking away, but it doesn't happen. He jumps when he feels the man's arms wrap around him, expecting to be drug to his feet and hauled away, but instead the man just holds him.

He kneels upright and rests his chin on top of Kylo's head, pulling the younger man into his chest. Kylo loses the battle with his tears and breaks down sobbing.

"I'm so sorry," he chokes out. "I'm sorry!" Han holds him closer, stroking his hair gently and Kylo can't remember the last time he was touched like this, with no pain.

"Shh, it's alright," Han tells him holding him close. "It's gonna be alright. I'm here now and I'm not leaving you. I'm taking you home, Ben."

Ben. His real name, not the one Snoke gave him. The sound of it in Han's voice is sharply painful, but also so, so wonderful. He wants to be Ben again. He wants to go home.

He kicks out violently, sending the mask flying over the railing.

"Please," he gasps out. "Please, Dad, I want to go home."

Han chokes on his own sob at the word and nods, kissing his forehead.

"Alright, let's go," Han says, helping him to his feet.

Ben Solo walks out of Starkiller base, and doesn't look back.


End file.
